Stuff You Don't Learn in Seminary #1

2 real-life ministry related things you don't learn in seminary, but need to know. Especially if you lead in a small church context.

This past year I’ve found myself joking with other middle-aged ministers at my church when we see a younger staff member get flustered or confused by something you can’t learn from books or seminary. You know, those experience sort of things. So I decided it would make a semi-humorous series to write about for 2025. I’ll try to do one post each month that includes 2 tips. These tips aren’t in any sort of hierarchy or order, so just roll with it.

How to Work a Breaker Box

Recently, a younger staff member came running into the offices on Wednesday evening in a panic. He said, I don’t know what happened I just plugged in a TV in the back of the room and turned it on and everything went off and won’t come back on… Yep, that’s a flipped breaker. I’ve also seen it happen when too many coffee pots are plugged into the same circuit (If memory serves, 3 of the small pots are fine, but only 2 of the larger percolator types).

One of the things you need to know about your room or building or whatever is where the breaker box is, and which individual breaker switches work what. I’ve also learned that in a building built by volunteers these boxes are rarely labelled. But don’t worry, Jimmy (a fictional older gentlemen) knows what they go to, after all he installed it! Or so folks will tell you. Spoiler, Jimmy does not remember what the switches do. However, he WILL enjoy pretending that things shock him, as long as someone reacts. After a few poorly executed fake electrocutions, he’ll use the trial and error method just like you would. He’ll probably flip the one for the sound system first, then the lights in the sanctuary and on down the line. So, one of the first few weeks you’re in a room or building locate the breakers and label them if they aren’t already that way.

How to Work a Toilet

I know what you’re thinking… I already know how to work a toilet. But that’s where you’re wrong. I mean how to troubleshoot toilet problems. Let me explain. Let’s make up an example that’s totally made up and didn’t actually happen to me.

You’re at the church on a Saturday evening for an event and you are “in charge”. Someone tells you that the toilet is making a weird noise. You think to yourself, “no big deal - it’s a toilet and what could go wrong?” That’s a serious mistake. You show up Sunday morning and the entire church’s carpet is wet. That noise was the toilet running because the chain on the flush mechanism got stuck. You’re a city kid who’s working in a rural church and you didn’t understand septic systems yesterday. But now you’re told that the toilet ran all night and filled up the septic tank then overflowed into the building. Now you understand septic systems much more than you ever wanted. You certainly understand that smell throughout the whole building.

Now 20+ years later I still get asked to fix a toilet on Sundays occasionally. Experience has taught how to fix toilets. Seminary did not. Here’s a quick video to explain the way toilets work and should be fixed.

Parting Thoughts

Thanks for reading my post today! If you found it at all entertaining then please share it with someone else who would like it.

I’m working on a podcast that will explore discipleship in different contexts. I’ll interview disciple makers from different contexts in hopes of learning how to be a better disciple maker. The podcast will launch when I get to 200 subscribers, so please share with friends!